One Quick Strategy to Green Light Conversations

One Quick Strategy to Green Light Conversations

Find your quiet focus in this three minute exercise with Mary Jorgensen!

 

by Mary Jorgensen

Was it something I said? Do you ever feel upset, insulted, or rejected in a conversation?

At work, at home, in social groups, I sometimes take chances and say something, only to regret it later. What I say and how I say it can lead either to an opening, or a closed door.  

Author Susan Gillis Chapman in her book The Five Keys to Mindful Communication describes how conversation can be like a traffic light: green, yellow, or red. I want to share this great metaphor for good conversations.   

Green Light says ‘Go On’ When the light is green, we feel relaxed, accepted by the other person, and open to communication.

Yellow When the light turns yellow, it’s a signal that we might be on thin ice, a feeling that we might have said the wrong thing.  When the signal turns yellow, we may feel embarrassed or angry—like we want to end the conversation.  

Yellow is often the indication that the conversation is about to turn red: ended. Yellow is when either I or  the other person feel defensive, confronted, or closed. The conversation has clearly gone awry, and we’re left feeling alone and upset.  

Red light on? Timing is everything. Red lights mean it’s time to put on the breaks and wait. The right time for conversation is when our companions are relaxed and undistracted.

I like this metaphor because I can picture the green light and aim for more "green light" conversations. 

Breathe for the Green Light!  The first step toward open conversations is to breathe before speaking — inhaling for five seconds. A deep breath gives us a few seconds to come up with positive things to say, which opens the door to positive responses from the other person.  

The next time a co-worker, a family member, a friend starts saying something I don’t like, I’ll take that deep breath and feel the light turn green. Following my own favorite breathing practice, I inhale for five seconds and then exhale for 5 seconds.  I always notice a little shift in my mood.

Try this easy breathing exercise and see how you feel. Keep practicing and see how many green lights you'll find!

You can find more simple practices to slow-down and be mindful on Akimboo.com

Author of Way of the SAGE: 4 Paths to Manage Stress and Build Resilience, Mary Jorgensen provides practical tools to harness inner wisdom. Mary is an educator, life coach, and workshop designer specializing in personal growth and workplace satisfaction.

Photos by Parker Deen


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When I focus on your hurts and you on mine, with an intention to heal, we forget, at least for a few moments that we are hurting.
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The Magic of Music

The Magic of Music
Music can relieve stress and boost happiness!
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Walk Outdoors to Refresh Your Mind

Walk Outdoors to Refresh Your Mind
Enjoy the outdoors and be healthy!
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Path to Your Purpose: Expect the Unexpected

Path to Your Purpose:  Expect the Unexpected
Why is connecting to purpose important? Join Denise as she connects to purpose in order to re-charge her week and her life.
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Celebrate the Return of the Light

Celebrate the Return of the Light
Happy Solstice! Today commit to connecting your heart mind and body with the positive forces of the universe. Here's how.
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Learn to settle for 'good enough'

Learn to settle for 'good enough'
Do you ever sabotage your good work striving for perfection? Learn to settle for 'good enough'.
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21 Ways to Kick the Winter Blues

21 Ways to Kick the Winter Blues
Check out these great ideas from our friends at ILoveInspired.com
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Are you ready for a challenge?

Are you ready for a challenge?
Live Healthy Iowa offers a 10 week challenge. Grab a friend and sign up!
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Are you ready for a challenge?

Are you ready for a challenge?
Life Healthy Iowa offers a 10 week challenge. Grab a friend and sign up!
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Beat the Winter Blues

Beat the Winter Blues
Getting extra light, movement and socializing help beat the winter blues.
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What is your only day's work?

What is your only day's work?
What is the only job in your day?
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Take a laughter pill with Laughing Laura

They say laughter really is the best medicine, so take two minutes to get goofy and laugh at yourself with Laughing Laura.

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Meditation for Loving Kindness

Calm yourself, get centered, and connect with your compassion as Amy Chicos leads you through a short loving kindness meditation.

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Find calm in your private garden

Walk through your own private garden, smell the tall grass, watch the butterflies, and find calm in your heart.

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Take five - neck and face yoga for instant relief

Have you been looking at a screen? Take five and send feel good to your neck and face right now.

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Two minute feel good shoulder yoga

Take two minutes for feel good shoulders with Jane.

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