Find your quiet focus in this three minute exercise with Mary Jorgensen!
by Mary Jorgensen
Was it something I said? Do you ever feel upset, insulted, or rejected in a conversation?
At work, at home, in social groups, I sometimes take chances and say something, only to regret it later. What I say and how I say it can lead either to an opening, or a closed door.
Author Susan Gillis Chapman in her book The Five Keys to Mindful Communication describes how conversation can be like a traffic light: green, yellow, or red. I want to share this great metaphor for good conversations.
Green Light says ‘Go On’ When the light is green, we feel relaxed, accepted by the other person, and open to communication.
Yellow When the light turns yellow, it’s a signal that we might be on thin ice, a feeling that we might have said the wrong thing. When the signal turns yellow, we may feel embarrassed or angry—like we want to end the conversation.
Yellow is often the indication that the conversation is about to turn red: ended. Yellow is when either I or the other person feel defensive, confronted, or closed. The conversation has clearly gone awry, and we’re left feeling alone and upset.
Red light on? Timing is everything. Red lights mean it’s time to put on the breaks and wait. The right time for conversation is when our companions are relaxed and undistracted.
I like this metaphor because I can picture the green light and aim for more "green light" conversations.
Breathe for the Green Light! The first step toward open conversations is to breathe before speaking — inhaling for five seconds. A deep breath gives us a few seconds to come up with positive things to say, which opens the door to positive responses from the other person.
The next time a co-worker, a family member, a friend starts saying something I don’t like, I’ll take that deep breath and feel the light turn green. Following my own favorite breathing practice, I inhale for five seconds and then exhale for 5 seconds. I always notice a little shift in my mood.
Try this easy breathing exercise and see how you feel. Keep practicing and see how many green lights you'll find!
You can find more simple practices to slow-down and be mindful on Akimboo.com
Author of Way of the SAGE: 4 Paths to Manage Stress and Build Resilience, Mary Jorgensen provides practical tools to harness inner wisdom. Mary is an educator, life coach, and workshop designer specializing in personal growth and workplace satisfaction.
Photos by Parker Deen